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Dancers at the End of Time - The End of All Songs

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Ñåðèÿ: Dancers at the End of Time

 

 


Underwood? It would be easy enough to do. And would she permit her husband's resurrection? Should he, Jherek, change his appearance, to resemble Harold Underwood as much as possible? Had she rejected his suggestion that he change his name to hers because it was not enough? He paused to lean against a carved jade post whose tip was lost in chemical mist high above his head. He seemed to remember reading of some ritual formalizing the giving of oneself into another's power. Did she pine because he did not perform it? Or did the reverse apply? Did kneeling have something to do with it, and if so who knelt to whom?
      "Om," said the jade post.
      "Eh?" said Jherek, startled.
      "Om," intoned the post. "Om."
      "Did you detect my thoughts, post?"
      "I am merely an aid to meditation, brother. I do not interpret."
      "It is interpretation I need. If you could direct me…"
      "Everything is as everything else," the post told him. Everything is nothing and nothing is everything. The mind of man is the universe and the universe is the mind of man. We are all characters in God's dreams. We are all God."
      "Easily said, post."
      "Because a thing is easy does not mean that it is difficult. Because a thing is difficult does not mean that it is easy."
      "Is that not a tautology?"
      "The universe is one vast tautology, brother, yet no one thing is the same as another."
      "You are not very helpful. I sought information."
      "There is no such thing as information. There is only knowledge."
      "Doubtless," said Jherek doubtfully. He bade good day to the post and retreated. The post, like so many of the city's artefacts, seemed to lack a sense of humour, though probably, if taxed, it would — as others here did — claim a "cosmic sense of humour" (this involved making obvious ironies about things commonly observed by the simplest intelligence).
      In the respect of ordinary, light conversation, machines, including the most sophisticated, were notoriously bad company; more literal-minded even than someone like Li Pao. This thought led him, as he walked on, to ponder the difference between men and machines. There had once been very great differences, but these days there were few, in superficial terms. What were the things which distinguished a self-perpetuating machine, capable of almost any sort of invention, from a self-created human being, equally capable? There were differences — perhaps emotional. Could it not be true that the less emotion the entity possessed the poorer its sense of humour — or the more emotion it repressed the weaker its capacity for original irony?
      These ideas were scarcely leading him in the direction he wished to go, but he was beginning to give up hope of finding any solution to his dilemma in the city, and at least he now felt he understood the jade post better.
      A chromium tree giggled at him as he entered a paved plaza. He had been here several times as a boy. He had a great deal of affection for the giggling tree.
      "Good afternoon," he said.
      The tree giggled as it had giggled without fail for at least a million years, whenever addressed or approached. Its function seemed merely to amuse. Jherek smiled, in spite of the heaviness of his thoughts.
      "A lovely day."
      The tree giggled, its chromium branches gently clashing.
      "Too shy to speak, as usual?"
      "Tee hee hee."
      The tree's charm was very hard to explain, but it was unquestionable.
      "I believe myself, old friend, to be 'unhappy' — or worse!"
      "Hee hee hee." The tree seemed helpless with mirth. Jherek began to laugh, too. Laughing, he left the plaza, feeling considerably more relaxed.
      He had wandered close to the tangle of metal where, from above, Amelia had thought she had seen Brannart Morphail. Curiosity led him on, for there were, indeed, lights moving behind the mass of tangled girders, struts, hawsers, cables and wires, though they were probably not of human origin. He approached closer, but cautiously. He peered, thinking he saw figures. And then, as a light flared, he recognized the unmistakable shape of Brannart Morphail's quaint body, an outline only, for the light half?blinded him. He recognized the scientist's voice, but it was not speaking its usual tongue. As he listened, it dawned on Jherek that Brannart Morphail was, however, using a language familiar to him.
      "Gerfish lortooda, mibix?" said the scientist to someone beyond the pool of light. "Derbi kroofrot!"
      Another voice answered and it was equally unmistakable as belonging to Captain Mubbers. "Hrunt, arragak fluzi, grodsink Morphail."
      Jherek regretted that he no longer habitually carried his translation pills with him, for he was curious to know why Brannart should be conspiring with the Lat, for conspiring he must be — there was a considerable air of secrecy to the whole business. He resolved to mention his discovery to Lord Jagged as soon as possible. He considered attempting to see more of what was going on but decided not to risk revealing his presence; instead he turned and made for the cover of a nearby dome, its roof cracked and gaping like the shell of an egg.
      Within the dome he was delighted to find brilliantly coloured pictures, all as fresh as the day they were made, and telling some kind of story, though the voices accompanying them were distorted. He watched the ancient programme through until it began again. It described a method of manufacturing machines of the same sort as the one on which Jherek watched the pictures, and there were fragments, presumably demonstrating other programmes, of scenes showing a variety of events — in one a young woman in a kind of luminous net made love underwater to a great fish of some description, in another two men set fire to themselves and ran through what was probably the airlock of a spaceship, making the spaceship explode, and in another a large number of people wearing rococo metal and plastic struggled in free fall for the possession of a small tube which, when one of them managed to take hold of it, was hurled towards one of several circular objects on the wall of the building in which they floated. If the tube struck a particular point on the circular object there would be great exultation from about half the people and much despondency displayed by the other half, but Jherek was particularly interested in the fragment which seemed to be demonstrating how a man and a woman might copulate, also in free fall. He found the ingenuity involved extremely touching and left the dome in a rather more positive and hopeful spirit than when he had entered it.
      It was in this mood that he determined to seek out Amelia and try to explain his discomfort with her own behaviour and his. He sought for the way he had come, but was already lost, though he knew the city well; but he had an idea of the general direction and he began to cross a crunching expanse of sweet-smelling green and red crystals, almost immediately catching sight of a landmark ahead of him — a curving, half-melted piece of statuary suspended, without visible support, above a mechanical figure which stretched imploring arms to it, then scooped little golden discs in its hands and flung them into the air, repeating these motions over and over again, as they had been repeated ever since Jherek could remember. He passed the figure and entered an alley poorly illuminated with garish amber and cerise; from apertures on both sides of the alley little metal snouts emerged, little machine-eyes peered inquisitively at him, little silver whiskers twitched. He had never known the function of these platinum rodents, though he guessed that they were information-gatherers of some kind for the machines housed in the great smooth radiation-splashed walls of the alley. Two or three illusions, only half tangible, appeared and vanished ahead of him — a thin man, eight feet tall, blind and warlike; a dog in a great bottle on wheels, a yellow-haired porcine alien in buff-coloured clothing — as he hurried on.
      He came out of the alley and pushed knee-deep through soft black dust until the ground rose and he stood on a hillock looking down on pools of some glassy substance, each perfectly circular, like the discarded lenses of some gigantic piece of optical equipment. He skirted these, for he knew from past experience that they were capable of movement and could swallow him, subjecting him to hallucinatory experiences which, though entertaining, were time-consuming, and a short while later he saw ahead the pastoral illusion where they had met Jagged on his return. He crossed the illusion, noticing that a fresh picnic had been laid and that there was no trace of the Lat having been here (normally they left a great deal of litter behind them), and would have continued on his way towards the mile-wide pit had he not heard the sound, to his left, of voices raised in song.
      Who so beset him round
      With dismal stories,
      Do but themselves confound —
      His strength the more is.
      He crossed an expanse of yielding, sighing stuff, almost losing his balance so that on several occasions he was forced to take to the air as best he could (there was still some difficulty, it seemed, with the city's ability to transmit power directly to the rings). Eventually, on the other side of a cluster of fallen arcades, he found them, standing in a circle around Mr. Underwood, who waved his arms with considerable zest as he conducted them — Inspector Springer, Sergeant Sherwood and the twelve constables, their faces shining and full of joy as they joined together for the hymn. It was not for some moments that Jherek discovered Mrs. Underwood, a picture of despairing bewilderment, her oriental dress all dusty, her feathers askew, seated with her head in her hand, watching the proceedings from an antique swivel chair, the remnant of some crumbled control room.
      She lifted her head as he approached, on tip-toe, so as not to disturb the singing policemen.
      "They are all converted now," she told him wearily. "It seems they received a vision shortly before we arrived."
      The hymn was over, but the service (it was nothing less) continued.
      "And so God came to us in a fiery globe and He spoke to us and He told us that we must go forth and tell the world of our vision, for we are all His prophets now. For he has given us the means of grace and the hope of glory!" cried Harold Underwood, his very pince-nez aflame with fervour.
      "Amen," responded Inspector Springer and his men.
      "For we were afraid and in the very bowels of Hell, yet still He heard us. And we called unto the Lord — Our help is in the name of the Lord who hath made heaven and earth. Blessed be the name of the Lord; henceforth, world without end. Lord, hear our prayers; and let our cry come unto thee."
      "And He heard us!" exulted Sergeant Sherwood, the first of all these converts. "He heard us, Mr. Underwood!"
      "Hungry and thirsty: their soul fainted in them," continued Harold Underwood, his voice a holy drone:
 
      "So they cried unto the Lord in their trouble: and he delivered them forth from their distress.
      He led them forth by the right way: that they might go to the city where they dwelt.
      O that men would therefore praise the Lord for His goodness; and declare the wonders that he doeth for the children of men!
      For He satisfieth the empty soul: and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
      Such as sit in darkness, and in the shadow of death: being fast bound in misery and iron;
      Because they rebelled against the words of the Lord: and lightly regarded the counsel of the most Highest."
 
      "Amen," piously murmured the policemen.
      "Ahem," said Jherek.
      But Harold Underwood passed an excited hand through his disarranged hay-coloured hair and began to sing again.
      " Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale,
      yet will I fear none ill… "
      "I must say," said Jherek enthusiastically to Mrs. Underwood, "it makes a great deal of sense. It is attractive to me. I have not been feeling entirely myself of late, and have noticed that you —"
      "Jherek Carnelian, have you no conception of what has happened here?"
      "It is a religious service." He was pleased with the precision of his knowledge. "A conspiracy of agreement."
      "You do not find it strange that all these police officers should suddenly become pious — indeed, fanatical! — Christians?"
      "You mean that something has happened to them while we have been away?"
      "I told you. They have seen a vision. They believe that God has given them a mission, to return to 1896 — though how they intend to get there Heaven alone knows — to warn everyone of what will happen to them if they continue in the paths of sinfulness. They believe that they have seen and heard God Himself. "They have gone completely mad."
      "But perhaps they have had this vision, Amelia."
      "Do you believe in God now?"
      "I have never disbelieved, though I, myself, have never had the pleasure of meeting Him. Of course, with the destruction of the universe, perhaps He was also destroyed…"
      "Be serious, Jherek. These poor people, my husband amongst them (doubtless a willing victim, I'll not deny) have been duped!"
      "Duped?"
      "Almost certainly by your Lord Jagged."
      "Why should Jagged — you mean that Jagged is God?"
      "No. I mean that he plays at God. I suspected as much. Harold has described the vision — they all describe it. A fiery globe announcing itself as 'The Lord thy God' and calling them His prophets, saying that He would release them from this place of desolation so that they could return to the place from which they had come to warn others — and so on and so on."
      "But what possible reason would Jagged have for deceiving them in that way?"
      "Merely a cruel joke."
      "Cruel? I have never seen them happier. I am tempted to join in. I cannot understand you, Amelia. Once you tried to convince me as they are convinced. Now I am prepared to be convinced, you dissuade me!"
      "You are deliberately obtuse."
      "Never that, Amelia."
      "I must help Harold. He must be warned of the deception."
 
They had begun another hymn, louder than the first.
There is a dreadful Hell,
And everlasting pains;
There sinners must with devils dwell
In darkness, fire, and chains.
 
      He tried to speak through it, but she covered her ears, shaking her head and refusing to listen as he implored her to return with him.
 
"We must discuss what has been happening to us…" It was useless.
O save us, Lord, from that foul path,
Down which the sinners tread;
Consigned to flames like so much chaff;
There is no greater dread.
 
      Jherek regretted that this was not one of the hymns Amelia Underwood had taught him when they had first lived together at his ranch. He should have liked to have joined in, since it was not possible to communicate with her. He hoped they would sing his favourite — All Things Bright and Beautiful — but somehow guessed they would not. He found the present one not to his taste, either in tune (it was scarcely more than a drone) or in words which, he thought, were somewhat in contrast to the expressions on the faces of the singers. As soon as the hymn was over, Jherek lifted up his head and began to sing in his high, boyish voice:
 
" O Paradise! O Paradise!
Who doth not crave for rest?
Who would not seek the happy land
Where they that loved are blest;
Where loyal hearts and true
Stand ever in the light,
All rapture through and through,
In God's most holy sight.
O Paradise! O Paradise!
The world is growing old;
Who would not be at rest and free
Where love is never cold… "
 
      "Excellent sentiments, Mr. Carnelian." Harold Underwood's tone denied his words. He seemed upset. "However, we were in the middle of giving thanks for our salvation…"
      "Bad manners? I am deeply sorry. It is just that I was so moved…"
      "Ha!" said Mr. Underwood. "Though we have witnessed a miracle today, I cannot believe that it is possible to convert one of Satan's own hierarchy. You shall not deceive us now!"
      "But you are deceived, Harold!" cried his wife. "I am sure of it!"
      "Listen not to temptation, brothers," Harold Underwood told the policemen. "Even now they seek to divert us from the true way."
      "I think you'd better be getting along, sir," said Inspector Springer to Jherek. "This is a private meeting and I shouldn't be surprised if you're not infringing the Law of Trespass. Certainly you could be said to be Causing a Disturbance in a Public Place."
      "Did you really see a vision of God, Inspector Springer?" Jherek asked him.
      "We did, sir."
      "Amen," said Sergeant Sherwood and the twelve constables.
      "Amen," said Harold Underwood. "The Lord has given us the Word and we shall take the Word unto all the peoples of the world."
      "I'm sure you'll be welcome everywhere." Jherek was eager to encourage. "The Duke of Queens was saying to me only the other day that there was a great danger of becoming bored, without outside stimulus, such as we used to get. It is quite possible, Mr. Underwood, that you will convert us all."
      "We return to our own world, sir," Sergeant Sherwood told him mildly, "as soon as we can."
      "We have been into the very bowels of Hell and yet were saved!" cried one of the constables.
      "Amen," said Harold Underwood absently. "Now, if you'll kindly allow us to continue with our meeting…"
      "How do you intend to return to 1896, Harold?" implored Mrs. Underwood. "Who will take you?"
      "The Lord," her husband told her, "will provide." He added, in his old, prissy voice: "I see you appear at last in your true colours, Amelia."
      She blushed as she stared down at her dress. "A party," she murmured.
      He pursed his lips and looked away from her so that he might glare at Jherek Carnelian. "Your master still has power here, I suppose, so I cannot command you…"
      "If we're interrupting, I apologize again." Jherek bowed. "I must say, Mr. Underwood, that you seemed rather happier, in some ways, before your vision."
      "I have new responsibilities, Mr. Carnelian."
      "The 'ighest sort," agreed Inspector Springer.
      "Amen," said Sergeant Sherwood and the twelve constables. Their helmets nodded in unison.
      "You are a fool, Harold!" Amelia said, her voice trembling. "You have not seen God! The one who deceives you is closer to Satan!"
      A peculiar, self-congratulatory smile appeared on Harold Underwood's features. "Oh, really? You say this, yet you did not experience the vision. We have been chosen, Amelia, by God to warn the world of the terrors to come if it continues in its present course. What's this? Are you jealous, perhaps, that you are not one of the chosen, because you did not keep your faith and failed to do your duty?"
      She gave a sudden cry, as if physically wounded. Jherek took her in his arms, glaring back at Underwood. "She is right, you know. You are a cruel person, Harold Underwood. Tormented, you would torment us all!"
      "Ha!"
      "Amen," said Inspector Springer automatically. "I really" must warn you again that you're doing yourself no good if you persist in these attempts to disrupt our meeting. We are empowered, not only by the 'Ome Secretary 'imself, but by the 'Osts of 'Eaven, to deal with would-be trouble-makers as we see fit." He gave the last few words special emphasis and placed his fists on his waistcoated hips (his jacket was not in evidence, though his bowler hat was still on his head). "Get it?"
      "Oh, Jherek, we must go!" Amelia was close to tears. "We must go home."
      "Ha!"
      As Jherek led her away the new missionaries stared after them for only a moment or two before returning to their service. They walked together up the yellow-brown metal pathway, hearing the voices raised again in song:
 
Christian! seek not yet repose,
Hear thy guardian Angel say;
Thou art in the midst of foes;
Watch and pray.
Principalities and powers,
Mustering their unseen array,
Wait for thy unguarded hours;
Watch and pray.
Gird thy heavenly armour on,
Wear it ever night and day;
Ambush'd lies the evil one;
Watch and pray…
 
      They came to where they had left the locomotive and, as she clambered onto the footplate, her hem in tatters, her clothes stained, she said tearfully. "Oh, Jherek, if there is a Hell, then surely I deserve to be consigned there…"
      "You do not blame yourself for what has happened to your husband, Amelia?"
      "Who else shall I blame?"
      "You were blaming Jagged," he reminded her.
      "Jagged's machinations are one thing; my culpability is another. I should never have left him. I have betrayed him. He has gone mad with grief."
      "Because he loses you?"
      "Oh, no — because his pride is attacked. Now he finds consolation in religious mania."
      "You have offered to stay with him."
      "I know. The damage is done, I suppose. Yet I have a duty to him, perhaps more so, now."
      "Aha."
      They began to rise up over the city. Another silence had grown between them. He tried to break it:
      "You were right, Amelia. In my wanderings I found Brannart. He plots something with the Lat."
      But she would not reply. Instead, she began to sob. When he went to comfort her, she shrugged him away.
      "Amelia?"
      She continued to sob until the scene of her party came in sight. There were still guests there, Jherek could see, but few. The Iron Orchid had not been sufficient to make them stay — they wanted Amelia.
      "Shall we rejoin our guests…?"
      She shook her head. He turned the locomotive and made for the thatched roof of their house, visible behind the cypresses and the poplars. He landed on the lawn and immediately she ran from the locomotive to the door. She was still sobbing as she ran up the stairs to her apartment. Jherek heard a door close. He sat at the bottom of the stairs pondering on the nature of this new, all-consuming feeling of despair which threatened to rob him of the ability to move, but he was incapable of any real thought. He was wounded, he knew self-pity, he grieved for her in her pain and he, who had always expressed himself in terms of action (her wish had ever been his command, even if he had misinterpreted her occasionally), could think of nothing, not the simplest gesture, which might please her and ease their mutual misery.
      After some time he went slowly to his bed.
      Outside, beyond the house, the great rivers of blood still fell with unchecked force over the black cliffs, filling the swirling lake where cryptic monsters swam and on which obsidian islands still bobbed, their dark green fleshy foliage rustling in a hot, sweet wind; but Mrs. Amelia Underwood's piece-de-resistance had been abandoned long since by her forgotten guests.

25. The Call to Duty

      For the first time in his long life Jherek Carnelian, whose body could always be modified so that it did not need sleep, knew insomnia. Oblivion was his only demand, but it refused to come. Line after line of thought developed in his brain and each line led nowhere and had to be cut off. He considered seeking Jagged out, yet something stopped him. It was Amelia, only Amelia — Amelia was the only company he desired and yet (he must admit this to himself, here in the dark) presently he feared her. Thus in his mind he performed a forward step only, immediately thereafter, to take a backward — forward, backward — a horrid little dance of indecision which brought, in due course, his first taste of self-disgust. He had always followed his impulses, without a grain of self-consciousness, without the suggestion of a question, as did his peers at the End of Time. Yet now it seemed he had two impulses; he was caught like a steel ball between magnets, equidistant. His identity and his actions had hitherto been one — so now his identity came under siege. If he had two impulses, why, he must be two people. And if he were two people, then which was the worthwhile one, which should be abandoned as soon as possible? So Jherek discovered the old night-game of see-saw, in which a third Jherek, none too firm in his resolves, tried to hold judgement on two others, sliding first this way, then the other — "I shall demand from her…" and "She deserves better than I…" were two beginnings new to Jherek, though doubtless familiar to many of Mrs. Underwood's contemporaries, particularly those who were frustrated in their relationships with the object of their affections, or were in a position of having to choose between old loyalties and fresh ones, between an ailing father, say, and a handsome suitor or, indeed, between an unlovable husband and a lover who offered marriage. It was halfway through this exercise that Jherek discovered the trick of transference — what if she experienced these torments, even as he experienced them? And immediately self-pity fled. He must go to her and comfort her. But no — he deceived himself, merely wishing to influence her, to focus her attention on to his dilemma. And so the see-saw swung again, with the judging Jherek poorly balanced on the pivot.
      And so it might have continued until morning, had not she softly opened his door with a murmured query as to his wakefulness.
      "Oh, Amelia!" He sat up at once.
      "I have done you an injury," she whispered, though there was none to overhear. "My self-control deserted me today."
      "I am not quite sure what it is that you describe," he told her, turning on the lamp by his bed so that it shed just a fraction more light and he could see her haggard face, red with crying, "but you have done me no injury. It is I who have failed. I am useless to you."
      "You are brave and splendid — and innocent. I have said it before, Jherek: I have robbed you of that innocence."
      "I love you," he said. "I am a fool. I am unworthy of you."
      "No, no, my dear. I am a slave to my upbringing and I know that upbringing to be narrow, unimaginative, even brutalizing — ah, and it is essentially cynical, though I could never have admitted it. But you, dearest, are without a grain of cynicism, though I thought at first you and your world were nothing else but cynical. And now I see I am on the verge of teaching you my own habits — cynicism, hypocrisy, fear of emotional involvement disguised as self-denial — ah, there is a monstrous range…"
      "I asked you to teach me these things."
      "You did not know what you asked."
      He stretched a hand to her and she took it, though she remained standing. Her hand was cold, and it shook a little.
      "I am still unable to understand all that you say," he told her.
      "I pray that you never shall, my dear."
      "You love me? I was afraid I had done something to destroy your love."
      "I love you, Jherek".
      "I wish only to change for you, to become whatever you wish me to be…"
      "I would not have you change, Jherek Carnelian." A little smile appeared.
      "Yet, you said…"
      "You accused me, earlier, of not being myself." With a sigh she sat down upon the edge of his bed. She still wore the tattered oriental dress, but she had removed her feathers from her hair, which was restored to its natural colour, though not its original cut. Most of the paint was gone from her face. It was evident to him that she had slept no better than had he. His hand squeezed hers and she sighed for a second time. "Of not being your Amelia," she added.
      "Not accused — but I was confused…"
      "I tried, I suppose, to please you, but could not please myself. It seemed so wicked…" This smile was broader and it mocked her own choice of words. "I have been trying so hard, Jherek, to enjoy your world for what it is. Yet I am constantly haunted first by my own sense of duty, which I have no means of expressing, and second by the knowledge of what your world is — a travesty, artificially maintained, denying mortality and therefore defying destiny."
      "Surely that is only one way of seeing it, Amelia."
      "I agree completely. I describe only my emotional response. Intellectually I can see many sides, many arguments. But I am, in this, as in so many other things, Jherek, a child of Bromley. You have given me these power-rings and taught me how to use them — yet I am filled with a desire to grow a few marigolds, to cook a pie, to make a dress — oh, I feel embarrassed as I speak. It seems so silly, when I have all the power of an Olympian god at my disposal. It sounds merely sentimental, to my own ears. I cannot think what you must feel…"
      "I am not sure what sentimentality is, Amelia. I wish you to be happy, that is all. If that is where fulfilment lies for you, then do these things. They will delight me. You can teach me these arts."
      "They are scarcely arts. Indeed, they are only desirable when one is denied the opportunity to practise them." Her laughter was more natural, though still it shook. "You can join in, if you wish, but I would not have you miserable. You must continue to express yourself as you wish, in ways that fulfil your instincts."
      "As long as I can express myself the means is unimportant, Amelia. It is that frozen feeling that I fear. And it is true that I live for you, so that what pleases you pleases me."
      "I make too many demands," she said, pulling away. "And offer nothing."
      "Again you bewilder me."
      "It is a bad bargain, Jherek, my dear."
      "I was unaware that we bargained, Amelia. For what?"

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